Archive for March 10th, 2012

The Cold Hard Truth.

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

My husband and I often have the conversation which goes along the lines of, are we ever happy with our playing? Can we stand back and be satisfied with the sound we’re making, enjoy our talents for what they are and sometimes put our critical ear to bed and just be content? He would argue that being a musician is to constantly search for more from yourself, a quality I completely admire. However, I am perhaps too easily ready to give up the gauntlet when things get rough and say enough, I can not expect more from myself. However, we all know this isn’t the truth…there is always more.

We had coaching a few days ago from an incredible pair of musical ears on a man who I struggle to warm to when working with. I get the feeling when he coaches me that he can see straight away that I’m actually a bit of a quitter when the going gets tough! I hate feeling like this and am all too quick to stand to my defense and cry ‘I am trying my hardest, stop picking on me!’ Pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick! It is horrible to lay your soul on the table and have someone dissect your every note, all your worse nightmares, all the passages you know you haven’t completely conquered yet being pressed against your nose, forced in front of your eyes. You want to close them and forget about all these suffocating notes you can’t play exactly the way you intend, run away screaming, it’s too hard! Alas in a coaching session this would obviously be quite rude so instead I stand there with this giant magnifying glass and the giant ears and eyes bore into me baring the cold hard truth of the things I can’t do…….yet…..

It’s a hard learning experience having someone be brutal and point out your every flaw. I wish that I could see this as a positive experience but no one likes having their inadequacies pointed out to them, I’m left feeling small and like I still have so much to learn. At this point in my career I think that I shouldn’t need someone pointing out the things I’m doing wrong, there shouldn’t be anything I can’t do! Really, there isn’t, it’s just a case of applying myself ALL the time to EVERY note and ALWAYS being aware of giving more of myself to the music. I have always been known as being a fiery red-head, and so, like a wounded lion who has been defeated in battle, I have sulked and now I am ready for round 2!